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Patty Bouvier resents the suggestion that her life is empty and boring.
First, she has her sisters Selma and Marge, but foremost, she has Richard Dean Anderson,
a.k.a. MacGyver. She passes her days as a clerk at the Springfield Department of Motor
Vehicles, administering eye exams and approving people for driver's licenses. She spends
her nights at home, watching MacGyver and smoking cigarettes. Many, many
cigarettes. Patty prides herself on being less desperate than her twin sister, Selma, who
has been married and divorced twice.
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The only thing Selma Bouvier hates more than her brother-in-law, Homer
Simpson, is being single. She has been married twice and, as luck would have it, divorced
twice as well. First, she married Sideshow Bob shortly after he served his prison term for
framing Krusty the Clown. The marriage ended amicably after Bob tried to blow Selma up
during their honeymoon. Her second marriage was to Troy McClure, whom you might remember
from such films as The Greatest Story Ever Hula-ed and They Came to Burgle
Carnegie Hall. She married Troy in order to restore his reputation after a scandal
involving underage fish nearly ended the thespian's career. Their marriage ended after
Selma and Troy realized they neither loved nor felt particularly attracted to one another.
For now, Selma's most enduring relationship is with Jub Jub, her pet iguana.
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