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Song Lyrics
The "Cut Every
Corner" Song
(sung to a tune resembling "A Spoonful of Sugar")
Shary Bobbins: If there's a task that must be done,
don't turn your tail and run!
Don't pout! Don't sob!
Just do a half-assed job!
If you cut every corner,
it is really not so bad.
Everybody does it,
even Mom and Dad.
If nobody sees it, then nobody gets mad!
Bart: It's the American way!
Shary Bobbins: The police on the beat needs some time to rest his
feet.
Chief Wiggum: Fighting crime is not my cup of tea!
Shary Bobbins: And the clerk who runs the store can charge a
little more for meat!
Apu: (echoes) For meat!
Shary Bobbins: And milk!
Apu: (echoes) And milk!
Shary Bobbins and Apu: From 1984!
If you cut every corner, you'll have more time for play!
Shary Bobbins and The Simpsons: It's the American way!
(From 3G03,
"Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(D'oh)cious")
Theme to "You Only
Move Twice"
(sung Shirley Bassey-style to a tune resembling James Bond's
"Goldfinger" Theme)
Scorpio!
He'll sting you with his dreams of power and wealth!
Beware of Scorpio!
His twisted twin obsessions are his plot to rule the world
And his employees' health!
He'll welcome you into his lair
Like a nobleman welcomes his guest!
With free dental care and a stock plan that helps you invest!
But beware of his generous pensions
Plus three weeks paid vacation each year!
And on Fridays the lunchroom serves hot dogs and burgers
and beer!
He loves German beer!
(From 3F23, "You Only Move
Twice")
The "Kamp
Krusty" Song
Children: Hail to thee Kamp Krusty
By the shores of Big Snake Lake.
Though your swings are rusty,
We know they'll never break.
Kearney: Louder! Faster!
Children: From your gleaming mess hall,
To your hallowed baseball field,
To your spic and span infirmary, where all our wounds are healed.
Hail to thee Kamp Krusty/Below Mount Avalanche.
We will always love Kamp Krusty,
A registered trademark of Krusty Corporation.
All rights reserved.
(From 8F24, "Kamp
Krusty")
The
"Kids/Adults" Song
(sung to the tune of "Kids" from the musical Bye Bye Birdie)
Kids: Adults!
Adults: Kids!
Kids: Adults!
Adults: Kids!
Kids: Adults!
Reverend Lovejoy: Kids, you've had fun, now we've had our fill!
Homer: Yeah, you're only here 'cause Marge forgot her pill!
Wiggum: Kids, you're all just scandalizing punks!
Krusty: Channel hoppin', Ritalin-poppin' monkeys ... But please
don't quit the fan club!
Marge: Kids, I could nag and nag 'til my hair turns blue!
Mrs. Krabappel: Kids, you burn my smokes and don't say "Thank
you!"
Rod & Todd Flanders: Why can't you be like we are?
Adults: Oh, what a bunch of brats!
Moe: We oughta drown you just like cats.
Bart: Adults! You run our lives like you're Colonel Klink!
Nelson: Adults! You strut around like your farts don't stink!
Lisa: Adults! You're such a drooling, snoring, boozing, boring
bunch! Surly, meany, three-martini lunchers!
Ralph: I just ate a thumbtack!
Milhouse: Adults! They're always tellin' us to---
Grandpa: Shut your traps!
Jasper: Eh, we're fed-up with all you whipper-snaps!
Seniors: We're trying to get some sleep here, it's almost
six-fifteen! What's the matter with---
Adults: Don't you treat us like---
Kids: Can't you lay off---
Seniors: We're sick of all of you!
All: Kiiiids toooday!
(From AABF07, "Wild Barts
Can't Be Broken")
The "Chimpan-A to
Chimpan-Z" song from the musical, Stop the Planet of the Apes, I want to Get Off!
(sung by Troy McClure as Charlton Heston)
Troy: I hate
every ape I see, from chimpan-A to chimpan-Z
No, you'll never make a monkey out of me!
Oh my god, I was wrong.
It was Earth, all along.
You finally made a monkey
Ensemble: Yes, we finally made a monkey
Troy: Yes, you finally made a monkey out of me!
Troy: I love you, Dr. Zaius!
(From 3F15, "A Fish Called
Selma")
"The
Garbageman" Song
Homer: Who can
take your trash out? Stomp it down for you? Shake the plastic bag and do the twisty
thingie too?
Garbagemen: Oh, the garbageman can! The garbageman can, and he
does it with a smile and never judges you.
Marge: Who can take this diaper?
Garbagemen: I don't mind at all.
Chief Wiggum: Who can clean me up before the big policeman's ball?
The garbageman!
Garbagemen: Yes, the garbageman can!
U2: The sanitation folks are jolly, friendly blokes, courteous and
easygoing!
The Edge: They mop up when you're overflowing!
Bono: And tell you when your ass is showing!
Apu: Who can . . .
Sideshow Mel: Who can . . .
Ned: Who can . . .
Oscar The Grouch: Who can . . .
Homer: The garbageman can!
Bart and Lisa: 'Cause he's Homer Simpson, man!
Everyone: He cleans the world for you!
(From 5F09, "Trash of
Titans")
The
"Canyonero" Jingle
Can you name the truck with
four-wheel drive, smells like a steak, and seats thirty-five?
Canyonero! Canyonero!
Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down. It's the country-fried truck endorsed
by a clown.
Canyonero! Canyonero!
Hey, hey!
Twelve yards long, two lanes wide, sixty-five tons of American pride!
Canyonero! Canyonero!
Top of the line in utility sports, unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!
Canyonero! Canyonero!
She blinds everybody with her super high-beams.
She's a squirrel-squashin', deer-smakin' drivin' machine.
Canyonero! Canyonero! Canyonero!
Whoa, Canyonero! Whoa!
(From 5F10, "The Last
Temptation of Krust")
"Springfield"
Bart and Milhouse: Springfield,
Springfield!
It's a hell of a town! The schoolyard's up and the shopping mall's down! The stray
dogs go to he animal pound!
Springfield, Springfield!
Springfield, Springfield!
Sailor: New York, New York!
Bart: New York is that-a-way, man.
Sailor: Thanks, kid!
Bart and Milhouse: It's a hell-of-a-towwwnnn!
Who Needs the
Kwick-E-Mart
Apu: Whether
igloo, hut, or learn-to
or a geodesic dome
There's no structure I have been to
which i'd rather call my home . . . When I just arrived you were all such jerks
But now I've come to loove your quirks
Maggie with her eyes so bright
Marge with hair by Frank Lloyed Wright
Lisa can be philosphized
Bart's adept at spinning lies
Homer's a delightful fella
Sorry 'bout the salmonella
Who needs the Kwick-E-Mart?
Now here's the tricky part
Oh won't you rhyme with me?
Who needs the Kwick-E-Mart . . .
Marge: Their floors are sticky-mart!
Lisa: They made Dad sticky-mart
Bart: Let's hurl a bricky-mart!
Homer: That Kwick-E-Mart's is real-D'oh!
All: Who needs the Kwick-E-Mart?
Apu: Not me!
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